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Skeletons
life is a nightmare vent fic. i was having a bad week. very very very light v3 spoilers, self harm, mentioned past csa light Tenko/Miu skeletons Fearless. That's what Miu Iruma is. She is strong, stronger than anyone before her. That's why the world needs someone like her, right? She's a motherfucking genius, so she matters. That's how it works, right? Talent equals belonging? (she wrings her hands together) i matter i matter i matter But does she? It's no secret that the others dislike her. That's why she's so quick to offer up her inventions - or other services - to them so that they'll keep her in their thoughts. Maybe then she can be truly loved and appreciated. Is it really her own fault that she's an awful fuck? She's been raised like this her entire life. (there's still traces cigarette ash between her teeth and her father's cologne on her clothes why can't she be rid of him) Miu Iruma is godly. She knows no restraint and cannot be controlled. Isn't that so wonderful? She can be outgoing and cool and people will adore her! As long as she keeps her own mood high, nobody will be able to look away. Negative attention is better than none at all. And if it works for Ouma and for celebrities, why not her? i am a human being i exist i am real Why don't they like her? Why isn't she good enough? Perhaps she's too invasive or maybe she doesn't get in their face enough or maybe she's just fundamentally unlikable that must be it that must be why her father had to love her more than everyone else even though she didn't want him to. (her wrists are bloody dear god why is she still alive she doesn't deserve to be here maybe she should just drink bleach hasn't she been told to do that for years anyways?) Even though she watches people die in front of her, Miu stays active. If the words she screams are useless then nobody will notice that something is wrong, nobody will notice how scared she becomes when the sun sets over the prison. Because at night, all the rooms become menacing. He could be in any one of them, just lurking around the corner, ready to kiss her and touch her in ways she doesn't want. i am safe i am safe i am safe She can't stay in her own room at night. Too many memories of other people's lives invade it, forcing her to seek refuge elsewhere. It becomes routine, but she still flinches at the sight of the boarded up rooms on her floor. (but she flinches at everything because dear god she's so scared constantly why does this keep happening to her) The rooms aren't soundproof, so she has to be quiet as she moves around. Being found out at a time like this, in a moment of such raw vulnerability, scares her shitless. The bathrooms are safe. She can sit on the floors or the counters or on the toilets inside the stalls and she can drag sharp pieces of scrap metal across her wrists and nobody will ever discover her. That's the beauty of the tiny, pristine cuts. Blood bubbles up through the cuts, so pretty and red. She almost coos at it, because it would be cute if her eyes weren't also watering in pain. it hurts it hurts it hurts Miu Iruma is needed. Miu Iruma is perfect. Miu Iruma is alive. (she wonders if any of those things are true) And her mind travels back to her bathroom back home with the burnt out lightbulbs and mold growing on the tiles. And she remembers sinking into a tub of blistering hot water, her useless, damaged body shrieking in pain. And she remembers to ugly silence as she lay completely submerged, and realizes it was the best sound she's heard in years. Fire burns her lungs and rises up through her throat. Is this what it's like to breathe? She wouldn't know. i am selfish i am brave Blood pours out of her arm like a waterfall, staining her clothes and the floor all in one, and it's a gorgeous display. She blinks, and her arm is still split open, but the flow is much slower. Maybe it's better like this. Maybe when they find her body in the morning, they'll see that she was more than just the perverted girl. Because damn it at least she tries. At least she tries to act like she's not falling apart in every place. (she can't even fix herself god how useless is she) Her head feels fuzzy. Maybe she's tired, maybe she's dying. With the blood coming out of her, Miu prays it's the latter. The door opens to reveal Tenko Chabashira, and Miu, who is regrettably still alive, hardly moves her head. Tenko rushes over to her, ready to reach out to help, but pulls away last second, realizing how tense she's become. Instead, the black haired girl sits across from her in the bathroom, refusing to leave her. Miu looks at her, and tries to pin her down. Tenko is such a strange girl. She feels drawn to her. Maybe it's her loneliness, maybe it's the scars running up and down the aikidoka's legs, or maybe it's the fact that this is the first genuinely nice action that anyone has done in regards to her for a very long time. Tenko stays. Tenko doesn't get scared. Tenko does not hate her, even though she should because dear god she's so fucking awful. No, the black haired girl bandages her, holds her hand by only the fingertips, waits up with her all night. And Miu's not one for talking - at least not in this regard - but she feels as if she could spill all her skeletons to Tenko and she wouldn't be ridiculed. Life is a fucking nightmare, but the darkest nights come just before dawn. Miu whispers that thought to herself as she clings to Tenko's arm the next morning and for the next days after, and prays that she will not leave her. 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